Empathy

I feel so sad for all the people affected by the tsunami in Japan. I hope the worst has passed and the people can start healing.

On that note, today I wanted to write a little about empathy.

Last Thursday, I was reading a book with my three-year-old son while his big sisters were at school. He stopped me, mid-sentence and said, "I wish [big sister] was a boy."

I asked him, "Why do you wish she was a boy?"

He replied, "Because it hurts her head when you brush her hair."

So sweet. He wasn't thinking of how cool it would be to have a big brother, he was worried about the pain his sister goes through every morning when we brush out her long tangley hair.

The conversation got me thinking about empathy.

I've read several books lately where I was unable to connect with the main characters. The authors tried to create sympathetic characters. The ingredients were there, (sad past, dismal looking future, and a lot of personality), but for some reason the characters didn't work for me.

Then I read I AM THE MESSENGER, by Markus Zusak. WOW. I was so invested in the main character. I felt his pain. I wanted him to find happiness. And because I was felt so much empathy for the main character I loved the book.

When I write a character I try to make her real. I try to make her likable. I want the reader to care about what happens to her. I don't always succeed.

I wish I could give you a checklist for "how to create characters that people care about," but the truth is I have no idea how to do it. For me, sometimes a character works, and sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes half of the readers love him and the other half don't. It's something I'm working hard to get right in my current WIP.

So, since I have no easy answers, I'll ask you.

How do you create characters people will care about?

Writing, Parenting, and GUILT

Lately I've been feeling a lot of guilt.

This is mostly because:

When I'm writing, I remember the pile of laundry that needs to be done. When I'm doing laundry I think I should really be spending time reading with my five-year old. When I'm reading with my five-year-old I feel bad about the sinkful of dirty dishes. When I'm working on the dishes the baby starts crying and I know I should just hold him for a minute. When I'm holding the baby the big kids start fighting about what to watch on TV and I think I really should get them all dressed up in warm clothes and send them outside for a half hour to play. When they finally get outside I feel like I should be writing.

It's a vicious cycle.

I think it's impossible to be a parent and not feel guilty every now and then. Being a parent is hard and it takes SO MUCH TIME and ENERGY. It's physically impossible to accomplish everything I need/want to do everyday in 16 waking hours. I often feel overwhelmed.

Then I get reminded of just how great my life is.

A few weeks ago I was putting my oldest to bed she gave me a big hug and said, "Mom, I know you work real hard to clean the house and write your book, and I think you're doing a great job."

I may not be anywhere close to perfect, and I may never be able to do everything I wish I could, but I do have very sweet kids and a wonderful husband who love me despite my imperfections. That's got to count for something.

Do you have mom guilt, dad guilt, writer guilt, etc.?

Finding Time to Write

Before I start I want to tell you about Dear Teen Me. It's a new blog where writers post letters to their teen selves. You'll recognize a lot of the writers involved (authors like Sarah Okler, Carrie Jones, and Charles Benoit along with a lot of the bloggers you know and love). My letter is up today. *bites nails*

It's really fun. Check it out.

On to my real post.

I've had a lot of friends comment over the last few months that they don't know how, with 3 kids and a baby, I find any time or energy to write.

My answer is I need to write. It is what keeps me sane. Some moms exercise. Some moms decorate. Some moms have jobs. I write.

Because I need it, I make time for it.

Here's how:

1. I write when I get a quiet hour. My three older kids are all in school at the same time for 5 hours a week. It's not a lot of time, and the baby usually requires my attention during a couple of those hours, but the leftover minutes are golden writing time. I can focus.

2. I write when the kids are occupied with other things. My kids destroy the kitchen table with markers, glue, and playdough at least once a week. It's a small price to pay for an hour of uninterupted writing time.

3. Writing is a higher priority than cleaning, unless I'm hosting book club that day or my in-laws are visiting. I still do manage to keep the house picked up most days, but I have a busy day and I have a choice between dishes or writing, I'll write.

4. I'm flexible and realize that it probably won't be possible for me to write everyday. Some days the baby is fussy. Some days I have other commitments. But I write when I can and eventually all that writing becomes a book.

The truth is EVERYONE is busy. I imagine many of you are way busier than me. There are always going to be things we could/should be doing instead of writing, but I believe that most people have time to write a book. It doesn't take much. It's about sitting in the chair, staring at that blank screen or empty sheet of paper and creating something wonderful... or at least decent.

How do you fit writing into your life?

My New Writing Buddy

I wrote 7000 new words last week, making it my most productive writing week in over a year. I think all the productivity had something to do with my new favorite writing buddy.

Life just doesn't get better than this.

How is NaNoWriMo treating you?

Home

It's been a long road (horrible pregnancy followed by 15 days in the neonatal intensive care unit), but on Saturday my little guy and I finally got to come home.

He's little, but he's breathing on his own and eating like a champ, and that makes me really happy.

A little over 3 years ago, just after this baby's older brother was born, I started writing. It's been a great outlet for me ever since.

I haven't been very motivated to write for the past few months because I've been sick, or baby has been sick. But now that we are both well and happy my mind is overflowing with stories and scenes that need to be put down on paper. Baby and I will start a morning writing routine this week while his older siblings are at school, because there is nothing better than dreaming up stories with a cozy little newborn in my arms.

Thanks so much for all the support and prayers. I love my blogging friends. I hope to catch up with all of you really soon.

See You Later

Well, the time has come. My doctor informed me today that we've reached the point where the baby needs to come out, so I'm going in for a c-section in an hour.

The good news is I've made it to almost 36 weeks. Unfortunately the baby's lungs still aren't looking good, so there's a chance he'll spend a few weeks in the NICU. I'm a little stressed about this, of course, but I feel like everything will be okay.

Thank you so much for all of your support over the past few months. I've really appreciated the well wishes, thoughts, and prayers. They've made a difference. I look forward to getting back to normal life again soon, and using this blog to write about WRITING, instead of awful pregnancy.

I probably won't be blogging for the next few weeks, but I will try to post a few updates on Twitter. I hope you all have a great September and I'll look forward to seeing all of your agent and book deal announcements when I get back!

Sometimes Life is Tough

In June I decided July would be the month I would make stuff happen. I was going to finish my manuscript. I was going to enjoy awesome-summer-mommy-time with my kids. I was going to go to RWA and meet my amazing agent, hang out with some of my favorite people, and be surrounded by writers, agents, editors, and DISNEY WORLD for three whole days. July should have been the month I did all the things I wouldn't be able to do when baby #4 comes in October.

Alas, July had different plans for me. I got sick. A few weeks into the illness I was diagnosed with a nasty little pregnancy complication. All of my plans for July (and August and September) were put on hold or cancelled, (sniff...RWA...sniff), and I spent the month passed out on the couch while my kids watched brain-frying amounts of PBS. Good times.

The good news is I have a fantastic doctor and we feel like everything is going to be okay. I just need a lot of rest and the baby needs to stay healthy and delay his entry into the world for another 7-8 weeks.

Until then, (and probably for a month or two after), I'm sure my blog posts will be sporadic. I will promise to write about writing or reading or something sort of interesting when I do post.

I didn't read many blogs in July, (I hope to check in with everyone this week). I'm sure I've missed some things. What have you all been up to? Amazing vacations? Conferences? Agents? Book deals? Fill me in peeps.

Oh and if any of you are on Twitter you should check out my super cool agent, @SaraMegibow. She just started tweeting a few weeks ago and she's getting the hang of it now. Plus, I think she'll be tweeting from RWA next week, and if you can't go, aren't tweets the next best thing?

For Mothers and People who have Mothers

Before I was a mom, I thought I knew what I was getting into. And I did, sort of.

I knew there would be nights of interrupted sleep. I just didn't realize I'd have them EVERY NIGHT for the next 6 years (and counting).

I knew I'd have to clean up occasional accidents. I just didn't realize there would come a time when I would clean 3 or 4 A DAY.

I knew my kids would want to play. I just didn't realize that sometimes the ONLY way to play is to dump every toy they own onto the family room carpet and cover the mess with couch cushions and every last blanket, towel and sheet from the linen closet.

I knew they would have to eat, and I hoped that eventually they'd learn to feed themselves. I just didn't realize this milestone would come with new messes (like blueberry yogurt all over the carpet).

I knew I would love my children. I just didn't realize I'd love them more than ANYTHING else in the world.

I'm so grateful for my wonderful mom and I'm so grateful to be a mom. My family is everything to me. Writing is a fun thing I do when I have a few minutes to myself, but it isn't my focus.

One of the reasons I've made so little writing progress these past few months is that I'm pregnant. I was terribly sick for a few months and it was hard to do anything more than feed and clothe myself and my kids. But it will be worth it! Now I'm feeling good and my life should be fairly normal until the new baby comes next fall.

To all of you mothers out there HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! And to everyone else, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOUR MOMS! They've raised beautiful, imaginative, talented children. You should thank them.

My Workspace

Well, I'm still a little sick and this has been kind of a crazy day, so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and post pictures of my workspace. I didn't even clean it up before I took these pictures, so you can see it in all it's messy glory.

My workspace is located in a little extra bedroom, just down the hall from the room where my kids play. The walls are light green, the air circulation is good, and there's a window with a pretty decent view of the best yard in the neighborhood (it belongs to the house across the street).

This is where the magic happens:

Fancy right? I especially like the large winged horse and the fact that more than half of the screen is taken up with Dora the Explorer on Netflix. When my son is awake, I usually have to share the screen, which is why I try not to write while he's awake.

I know you are coveting my awesome flower lamp, my puppy dog mousepad, and my ghetto high school pottery too. There's nothing like looking at crappy pottery to get those creative juices flowing.

It's not exactly glamorous, or clean, but it's where I write.

Where do you write?

Why I Write

Sometimes I ask myself, "Why do I write?" It's not as if I don't have other things I should be doing, like cleaning my house or pulling weeds in the garden, or making a dinner that didn't come in a box I bought at Costco. Sometimes I sit down at the computer and have to force myself to type a few paragraphs on my work in progress, or rewrite a scene that's been bothering me. It isn't always fun.

So why do I feel compelled to do it?

I am a stay-at-home mother of three kids-- three clever, adorable, and somewhat rambunctious kids ranging in age from 2 to 5 (yup, that's 3 in 3 years, we're crazy). I love being a stay-at-home mom, and I'm not just saying that. I love that I get to be with them all day long and that I get to enjoy all of the little moments that make parenting worthwhile. Like when my five-year-old came up to me a few weeks ago with a piece of paper covered in words that she'd spelled all by herself-- including mome (mommie), dade (daddy), and my personal favorite kmpyooder (computer). Or when my two year old says "Mom, wanna nuggle?" and then hops up on my lap and snuggles for a few minutes just because.

So I love what I do. I can honestly say there isn't anywhere I'd rather be every day. But... sometimes I feel like all I do is feed them and clean up after them and keep them from fighting with each other. Sometimes I go days without speaking to another adult (aside from my husband). And sometimes I wonder why I even bothered graduating from college.

When my oldest was about 2 I decided that I needed to be doing something creative--something to remind me that I have a brain. I tried quilting... um, lets just say that wasn't my forté. I took a pottery class and I loved it, but I wasn't really great at that either.

The next year I decided I wanted to write a book. I'm still not really sure why. I always kind of liked to write, my first degree was in Print Journalism, but I'd never done much creative writing. I loved to read though, so maybe that was it. For some reason I started and I stuck with it and for the past two years I've poured almost all of my creative energy writing fiction.

After a few months of neglecting my house (because I was using my baby's nap time for writing instead of cleaning), I found that my kids and husband still loved me, and I was happier. Writing was good for me.

I sometimes feel like a bit of an upstart when I read about how other aspiring writers have dreamed about writing books since they were eight-years-old and they've written 28 full length novels since then. I began writing when I was 26-years-old, a week after I gave birth to my 3rd child. Now I write because it's what I do. Writing is my outlet. It reminds me that I am a creative being and not just a cleaning machine. And it makes me happy.

This makes me wonder about other people's motivation for writing. So I'll ask you:

Why do you write? Or if you aren't a writer, what is your creative pursuit and how does it enrich your life?