Being Honest

Some days I read something brilliant and feel like a hack.

Some days I read something awful and wonder HOW it ever got published.

Some days I write and I'm sure what I've written is fantastic.

Some days I read what I wrote the day before and think, "How did I think this was okay yesterday?"

Some days the words flow and I love writing.

Some days writing is hard. I force words to come. Those words suck.

Some days I wonder why I didn't choose a less frustrating obsession. Like cooking. If I put all the time I've devoted to writing into cooking I could be an awesome cook. Maybe. But I love to eat, and if I was an awesome cook I'd probably be a bit chubbier, so it might be a good thing that I chose writing.

Some days I don't write at all. I hold my baby. I read a book. I play blocks with my three-year-old. I watch American Idol. I might even do some laundry.

Some days I'm sure I'll never finish writing this stupid book.

But I'm sure I will... someday.

Facing Fears

On Friday morning I'm going to New York for the SCBWI winter conference. I'll get up, pack the last few things, drive out to the airport and fly ALONE all the way across the United States. When I get to New York I'm going to have to find my way from the airport to the hotel ALL BY MYSELF. Then I'm going to spend the entire weekend with three girls who I email daily, but I've NEVER MET IN REAL LIFE.

I'm a little nervous. Can you tell?

I haven't ever done anything like this. I always travel with someone. I don't think I've ever been on an airplane without my mom or my husband. I've never been to a writing conference. And I've never been all by myself in New York City.

But, I know it's going to be good for me.

If you are writing and planning to pursue publication you've probably done, or will have to do, a lot of scary things. These are just a few:

--Writing, rewriting, and rewriting a book

--Letting someone else read your writing

--Joining a critique group

--Listening to your critique group

--Querying agents

--Getting rejected

--Getting manuscript requests

--Having to talk to agents on the phone

And that's just the beginning. It's quite an adventure.

Every new step has been a little scary for me. I've had to put myself out there, and I never know if other people are going to love or hate (or worse, be indifferent to) what I write. But, it's been a great experience so far. Sometimes the only way to progress is to push ourselves to the next level and do something that scares us.

Do you get scared sometimes too? Is there a step on the road to publication (or after publication) that makes you nervous? Are you going to do it anyway?